Psalm 23

[cellio]

[Writing circle, 5-1-2010]

"The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want."

Can you want without knowing you want?

Once I would have thought that was a stupid question. Wanting, by definition, would seem to require knowledge of what you want. The Lord was not my shepherd and hey -- guess what? -- I didn't want. Life was fine.

My world wasn't changed by some distressing event. There was no valley of the shadow of death, no enemies surrounding me. Nor was it the sound of thunder that got my attention; no, rather it was a still small voice that gently whispered "you can do better". I didn't know it yet, but I wanted.

Slowly and uncertainly, reading from a transliterated text carefully copied from email, I said the Sh'ma for the first time. Then I lit Shabbat candles, reading the blessing from a post-it note. Something awakened. I wanted, and I knew I wanted.

The more I opened myself to the possibility of a shepherd, the more I felt the gentle nudge of the shepherd's staff, directing me toward this pool of water or away from that danger. I took in spiritual sustenance for the first time in my life, and my cup ran over.

There are times of greater and lesser connection, but the shepherd is always there if I but stop and look. I still want, but it is a different kind of wanting. Now I know what is possible; I know that I want, if not always what I want, and I know when my want has been fulfilled. I feel the confidence now to say -- "Adonai is my shepherd; I lack nothing".